"Oh my God, I am the winner"

The title of this post (a quote from the American cinematic classic, Billy Madison) was my wife's idea and is referring to the fact that I came in 1st in yesterday's "Guitar Hero III - Frets of Fury" tournament. Yes, that's right. I am officially a rock god. Ok, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to divulge that I didn't have the guts to enter into the "expert" tournament. After witnessing some of those experts warming up, I knew that at least a few of them would destroy me. So, I entered the "hard" tournament.

This is how it worked: there were four simultaneous tournaments going on, one for each difficulty level (easy, medium, hard, and expert). The tournaments were bracket style, so you were matched up against one other person and as you won matches you moved up the bracket. When called for a competition, each player picked a song that they felt they were strong in. Then, the pair played through both songs. If one person won both songs, they were declared the winner of that challenge. If the score was split, then each person picked a second song that they felt good about. A coin was flipped, and then the winner's song was used for a battle mode. The winner of the battle mode won the match and advanced up the bracket.

I had a rough start and thought that I was going to be eliminated right away. I chose my song, ZZ Top's "La Grange," and was handily beat. It's bad times if you get beat on the song you picked for yourself. But then my opponent picked Poison's "Talk Dirty To Me" and I really nailed that one...I had a 412 note streak...and I never lost again for the rest of the tournament. What did I win? Fortune and glory. But more specifically I won fifty dollars, a Guitar Hero tee shirt, some various GH stuff, and a PS2 game. Not bad! The guy who won second place in the hard tournament (his name was Chad) won some money and prizes, too. As we were collecting our prizes, he looked over at mine and was a bit puzzled by one of the prizes. He said, "What's that?". It was still in the plastic so I opened it up and said, "Huh...it's a Guitar Hero wristband." He looked at me and said, "Well, now you can throw away all of your other wristbands."

In other Guitar Hero news, the official trailer for Guitar Hero: Aerosmith has been released. It looks amazing, and I repeat my assertion that I will need to rent an apartment for at least 1-2 months following its release in June so that I can devote the appropriate amount of time to it. It's been revealed that only about 60 percent of the songs will be Aerosmith tunes, which is discouraging, but expected, since they would like the game to appeal to non-Aerosmith fans as well. However, they've leaked a few of the Aerosmith songs that will be included and I'm encouraged that they're including some really obscure fan favorites like "Make It" and "Uncle Salty".

No Guts No Glory

I've just learned that there is a Guitar Hero Tournament in my town tomorrow. Cash prizes! Live radio broadcast! I must enter.

What's that you ask? I'm 33, why?

There will be four simultaneous competitions, one for each difficulty level. I think I will enter the Hard tourney. I'm afraid that some 9 year old would school me if I enter the Expert one.

Wish me luck. Tomorrow I learn that I'm not nearly as good as I think I am.

Homer Lives!

Pixeloo is a blog maintained by a professional Photoshopper. This guy or girl (the blog is anonymous) has recently been using real world textures to create images of what famous animated characters would look like in the real world. The effect is creepy.

Check out Homer:


And Mario:

Cool.

Iowa Rocks!

Hey! If you're one of those snooty big city folks that thinks that Iowa is behind the times, I'm about to set you straight. The first two acts playing at the Iowa State Fair in 2008 have just been announced. Be prepared to have your holier-than-thou elitism shattered. Coming to Des Moines this summer is none other than Michael W. Smith and Garrison Keillor (as part of his "A Prairie Home Companion, The Rhubarb Tour" production).

So why is Iowa hemorrhaging young people? Your guess is as good as mine.

Pop Culture Observation

Apparently, if Timbaland produces your album or song, his primary contribution is throwing in a "hey" or a "what" in a normal speaking voice approximately every 4 to 6 seconds.

Lindsey Time

Today is the release date of "Live at the Bass Performing Hall", a new DVD and CD release by my favorite singer/songwriter, Lindsey Buckingham. As I may have mentioned earlier, I think it's a reasonable assumption that Lindsey timed this released with my birthday (which was yesterday).

My sister ordered this for me, and it hasn't arrived yet, which means that I've yet to see it. However, according to what I'd like to call the "Maxim Precedent", people are now allowed to review things they've never seen or heard. Therefore, my "educated guess" about this DVD is that it's amazing. Don't just blindly accept my presumption of awesomeness, though. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram says:

"Watching Lindsey Buckingham's first solo concert DVD, Live at the Bass Performance Hall, you reach the conclusion that the essence of his former band Fleetwood Mac was not Stevie Nicks' witchy-woman stylings, Christine McVie's blues-tinged singing, or even the granite back-beat of drummer, Mick Fleetwood and bassist, John McVie, but Buckingham's pioneering guitar work."

I saw him on this tour, at the Val Air Ballroom here in Des Moines, and was able to get within a few feet of the stage. It's important to see Lindsey up close, because his guitar playing is something to behold. He's self-taught, the result of which is an odd mixture of old-fashioned banjo picking and a violent downward slashing of the strings. Back to the Star-Telegram:

"Whether on a nylon-string classical guitar, a steel-string acoustic or his trademark acoustic-electric guitar, Buckingham eschews the standard pick in favor of all five fingers of his right hand. There are close-ups of Buckingham's hands as they nimbly perform his distinctive guitar calisthenics."

Beyond the technical proficiency, though, is the songwriting. It was Lindsey's songwriting that won his third solo album, Out Of The Cradle, the coveted #1 spot on "Matt Keller's Five Favorite Albums of All Time" list. I also admire his willingness to place art over commerce, even if it means that we have less Lindsey material to purchase. After the enormous commercial success of Fleetwood Mac's Rumours, Lindsey rebelled against the idea of creating a "Rumours 2" and instead retreated to his own studios (and in some cases, hotel rooms with his recording equipment) where he created some brilliant and extremely odd pieces that showed up on the Tusk album. That album was considered a commercial disappointment, but is now looked back on with critical praise.

This has been a long, rambling post but here's the summary: Lindsey is good. I'll shut up now, and post a video from Lindsey's last solo album, Under the Skin. Lindsey recorded the bulk of this album himself, again in hotel rooms, while on the Fleetwood Mac "Say You Will" tour. This song, "It Was You" is a good demonstration of Lindsey's unusual instrumentation and his gift for melody.

I'll Bet That's a Sassy Manicure

This is a transcription of an actual conversation between two women ahead of me in the microwave line today.

Woman 1: ...so then mom and I got manicures.
Woman 2: Where do you go for that?
Woman 1: The strip club in front of Target.
Woman 2: The strip club?
Woman 1: Yeah, you know. In front of Target.
Woman 2: The strip club?
Woman 1: (stares blankly)
Woman 2: Strip...CLUB?
Woman 1: OHMYGOD! MALL, Strip mall!

Then they proceeded to giggle for approximately twelve minutes.

If you work in a gray corporate setting, this is hilarious.

Laughing Kid

Man, when did this blog get so schmaltzy? Anyway, I found this funny:

Damn Wienerkids

The other day my wife had The Biggest Loser on and I overheard the phrase "morbidly obese". This got me laughing because it reminded me of one of my favorite Simpsons quotes*. Homer is about to play a game of pool with Ned Flanders and he says, "They don't call me Springfield Fats just because I'm morbidly obese."

There was nothing particularly unique about that moment. Several times a week I hear, read, or see something that reminds me of a Simpsons quote. However, just a couple of days later I was doing a little hard drive cleanup and I found a sound clip of my all time favorite Simpsons quote.

Have a listen.

"Damn Wienerkids" is just inspired.


*I know. It's shocking that someone who has a blog has favorite Simpsons quotes.

Get To Know Your Future Spouse

Today I came across an article about a book called "Don't You Dare Get Married Until You Read This!" by Corey Donaldson. The book is essentially a list of 500 questions that you and your future spouse should ask each other prior to taking the plunge.

I've been married for over 10 years to someone that I essentially started dating in high school. I consider myself someone who has changed enormously since then, and I think it's extremely fortunate that Anne and I have mostly evolved and grown in the same direction. Because I was married young (22) and consider my marriage to be in good shape, the idea of me seriously asking these questions at that age cracks me up. I have difficulty imagining how one would work these questions into casual conversation with someone you were dating.

"So...you like summertime? I love summer. I know, right? It's nice to be able to just go outside without a jacket. Oh, that reminds me. If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?"

Other recommended questions:

• What does monogamy mean to you?
• Have you ever thought that you should marry me because if you don't, no one else will come along, and you will be lonely for the rest of your life?
• What does my family do that annoys you?
• What are all your current debts?
• Are your feelings for me dependent on my always having money?

It Feels Good To Believe In Someone

I've made a conscious effort to keep the amount of political posts to a minimum in this blog. Politics tends to divide and to drive people away. Most Americans are uncomfortable talking about either politics or religion. However, I'm an absolute politics nut. I drink it in. I consume all of the news that I can, and Barack Obama's speech today on race and politics was an absolute masterpiece. A speech for the history books.

My only nervous question, and the question I've seen on a few political sites is this: What is the take-away? The speech was so nuanced, so devoid of sound bites, that it might actually be too sophisticated for most media outlets these days. For people that don't pay attention to politics, or whose only knowledge is what they overhear in a 45-second story on the evening news, will this speech matter? Is there still room for high-minded, thoughtful, brave, and honest speech in this country that isn't packaged as a slogan?

I'd encourage you to read the speech.

Better yet, watch it:



Today, I am filled with American pride, and with pride that my state was the first to hold up Obama and say, "This is our candidate."

Here is some of the analysis offered by my favorite political reporters/commentators:

Andrew Sullivan, conservative writer for "The Atlantic":

Alas, I cannot give a more considered response right now as I have to get on the road. But I do want to say that this searing, nuanced, gut-wrenching, loyal, and deeply, deeply Christian speech is the most honest speech on race in America in my adult lifetime. It is a speech we have all been waiting for for a generation. Its ability to embrace both the legitimate fears and resentments of whites and the understandable anger and dashed hopes of many blacks was, in my view, unique in recent American history.

And it was a reflection of faith - deep, hopeful, transcending faith in the promises of the Gospels. And it was about America - its unique promise, its historic purpose, and our duty to take up the burden to perfect this union - today, in our time, in our way.

I have never felt more convinced that this man's candidacy - not this man, his candidacy - and what he can bring us to achieve - is an historic opportunity. This was a testing; and he did not merely pass it by uttering safe bromides. He addressed the intimate, painful love he has for an imperfect and sometimes embittered man. And how that love enables him to see that man's faults and pain as well as his promise. This is what my faith is about. It is what the Gospels are about. This is a candidate who does not merely speak as a Christian. He acts like a Christian.

Bill Clinton once said that everything bad in America can be rectified by what is good in America. He was right - and Obama takes that to a new level. And does it with the deepest darkest wound in this country's history.

I love this country. I don't remember loving it or hoping more from it than today.

David Kurtz, Talking Points Memo:

It is remarkable for its nuance, for its long view of history, and for its decency.

Chris Durang, The Huffington Post:

I thought Barack Obama's speech, which finished just minutes ago, was brilliant, nuanced, healing and shows him to be incredibly worthy as a candidate. I hope America is interested enough in progress to embrace this man. We would be lucky, very lucky, to have him as a president.

His speech was brave, and touched on the minister and race in general with real wisdom, and hope for healing.

Jeffrey Wells, Hollywood Elsewhere:

Sen. Barack Obama didn't just hit an oratorical home run a little while ago in Philadelphia. He hit the ball above the bleachers and into the electric scoreboard...bam. Sparks flew, people applauded, the news commentators were awed. It was a brilliant, historic, uncommonly frank speech about racial divides and attitudes, and what might be different. He said all the necessary things about the excessive hate steam of Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and particularly the choice between adhering to old habits and resentments and choosing to move beyond all the crap. It was personal, straight, profound and clear as a bell.

And here's some blog commentary by regular folks:

"This is what is so refreshing about Obama - he is a genuine thinker in the tradition of important historical figures more than he is a bureaucrat. His great challenge as an innovative political thinker is overcoming the culture and identity issues which have disabled progressive politics for the past thirty years."

"I cannot remember the last time a politician spoke to me as an adult, not as a child."

"It's not like I needed any additional evidence that Obama is the most remarkable candidate for president in the past 40 years, perhaps in my entire lifetime, but this provides it.

The more power to him for not talking down to or underestimating the intelligence of the American people. The more power to him for speaking in nuance and shades of grey, rather than stark black and white (pardon the poor metaphor). The more power to him for being honest. The more power to him for not playing into the media's sound-bite, short-attention span culture.

If that's not good enough to win election, then, in my view, America's not a good enough country to deserve a extraordinary leader like him. But I certainly intend to do everything I can over the next eight months to see that our nation is led by someone as great as I'd like to believe our nation is."

"Politics as un-usual. Truly beautiful and poignant."

"Courageous. Whatever happens, I'm proud of Senator Obama. He makes me proud to be an American."

Glug, Glug

So it's St. Patrick's Day. Yesterday it occurred to me that it's a little nuts that we have a holiday with Irish roots in which we all basically act out an ethnic stereotype. What's next, a Chinese holiday where we all do math?

The Latest Addition to the Family

This is either Maizy or Maisy*...we're not quite sure how to spell that yet. She's 10 weeks old, and she's a Shih-Tzu. To say that my girls are excited about this new development would be akin to suggesting that tidal waves are damp.

She likes to burrow...she's great with the girls and just wants to snuggle. Which is pretty much all that Melanie did with her all day. I can't report much else yet...we've only had her barely over 24 hours.

Regarding the odd name: one of the girls' friends just got a dog (actually a half-sister to ours) and named it Daisy. The girls liked Maizy because it rhymes. We just don't know how to spell it yet. Maisy makes sense, because it's spelled like Daisy. However, I just IMDB'd Uncle Buck, and the little girl in that movie is spelled Maizy, so maybe that's how you spell it? We're perplexed.

Being a Parent Makes You Lame

Last night I discovered that being a parent has made me lame. My evidence? I'm no longer able to judge movies objectively. The latest movie in question is "Martian Child", with John Cusack. Throughout the entire film, I was repeatedly aware of the parade of cliches that marched unashamedly right down the middle of the screen. It was also one of the more emotionally manipulative movies I've seen, not to mention the fact that it completely trivializes the nature of adoption and the tribulations of connecting with a damaged child. And yet, I loved it.

I'm also a fan of Jersey Girl, the film that nearly caused a revolt among Kevin Smith die-hards. The objective side of me, the side of me that was more in control before I reproduced, is completely aware of the formulaic nature of this movie. As with Martian Child, my eyes reflexively wanted to roll over and over again...but the mutated post-fatherhood lameness won out.

There's just something about the emotional connection that I have with my children that makes me an absolute sucker for movies that deal with small children bonding with fathers. In these cases, my sentimentalism is simply stronger than my reason or objective analysis...regardless of the facts. I wonder (danger...abrupt and controversial subject change) if religious fundamentalists experience the same sort of reality disconnect. When their brain detects something that refutes their own belief system, does their sentimentality take over?

Sweet, Sweet Justice

Can we all agree that any teenage boy that video tapes himself lifting weights deserves this?

This Is Getting Ridiculous

Seriously. At first, my jokes about 2008 being "the year of Matt" were said in fun. After seeing this Hulk trailer...I believe 2008 truly was tailor-made for me. I know it's only a trailer, but they have drastically improved on the look of the Hulk since the previous stinker of a movie. Even the tone seems more in line with the comic.

Watch the new Hulk trailer here.

I Hate Dream Sequences

I've been listening to Truman Capote's famous true-crime book, "In Cold Blood" for the past couple of weeks. This book is so fact-based, so full of long quotations and testimonials, that it reads like a documentary. This morning, however, I spent ten minutes of my commute listening to a painful and highly detailed account of a dream that the lead detective had about the case. I could barely stand it.

I think it was meant to convey how completely consumed the detective was with solving the mystery at hand. He lived and breathed it so completely that he didn't even stop thinking about the case while sleeping. Instead of a long, drawn out dream sequence, I would've preferred this sentence, "Detective Dewey lived and breathed it so completely that he didn't even stop thinking about the case while sleeping." Look! I just saved 12 pages!

I hate dream sequences. HATE them. I hate them in books, I hate them in movies. I will actually skip over dream sequences in books. I'm not precisely sure why they annoy me so much. I think part of me considers dream sequences to be cheating on the part of the author or screenwriter. Anything goes in a dream sequence, right? Can't find a realistic or natural way to work in your symbolism? Can't express a character's feelings through the traditional means of dialogue, actions, or the way he interacts with his environment? No problem! Just give him a wacky dream!

"The Mist" Has Balls of Steel

I saw "The Mist" at the cheap theater with my friend Dan tonight (who beat me and posted about it first), and it blew me away. This post won't be as eloquent as Dan's...and I also think mine could be a little spoilerish, so consider yourself warned.

I won't go into great detail about the movie...it was pretty good, but not terrific. Some of the effects were weak, but most were very good. The cast was a who's who of character actors, so be prepared to spend a good chunk of your time trying to remember what you saw the actors in previously.

Here's why this movie deserves it's own post: "The Mist" has one of the bravest and cruelest endings that I've ever seen. My jaw literally hung open for the last 5 minutes of this movie. When it was over, I turned to Dan and said, "I feel like I was just raped by this movie."

I'm not saying it was bad...in fact, I really enjoyed myself throughout the entire film. The ending was just completely shocking. Not only because it was different than the book...but because 99% of films would never dare end a movie like this.

New Sins

I don't have much in common with traditional religion, and Catholicism and I are even less likely to reach an understanding anytime soon. However, I like to give credit where it is due, and there are aspects of Catholicism that I've come to respect over the years.

I appreciated Pope John Paul II's acknowledgment that modern evolutionary theory was well supported by evidence. I've also respected the Vatican's stand against torture, war, and the death penalty.

This last weekend, Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti, who is apparently the Vatican's number two (reminding me of the question, "Who does Number Two work for?") told the faithful that they should be aware of NEW sins!

The one that impressed me was the sin of committing an "ecological" offense, such as pollution. This comes as a relief to me as it seems that many conservative Christian denominations view God's statement that man has "dominion" over the Earth as a pass to do with it as we wish, consequence be damned.

It's a nice contrast to Ann Coulter's quote:

"The ethic of conservation is the explicit abnegation of man's dominion over the Earth. The lower species are here for our use. God said so: Go forth, be fruitful, multiply, and rape the planet — it's yours. That's our job: drilling, mining and stripping. Sweaters are the anti-Biblical view. Big gas-guzzling cars with phones and CD players and wet bars — that's the Biblical view."

She's fun.

A Little Ashamed

Until yesterday, I was under the assumption that this was the best ice cream on the planet (Ben & Jerry's Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch):

I now know that I was gravely mistaken. The best ice cream on the planet is this (Haagen-Dazs dulce de leche):

Wow. I'm a little ashamed of this post. What next? A post about scented candles? Eeesh.

Politics Are My Sports

I came to a realization today. Politics are my sports. Most guys are so into sports (or a particular sport) that they would watch a game every night if one was available. They listen to sports radio, read sports web sites and the sports page of the newspaper.

Well, politics are my sports. I read about politics constantly. Watch primary and caucus coverage for hours. Listen to political podcasts. Sports fans support their teams by buying tickets or merchandise. I support my candidates by donating and (sometimes) volunteering. Like sports fans, I feel deeply invested in the outcomes, and can be elated or depressed/angry for days as a result of some election or development.

This campaign cycle has been the most exciting cycle that I've seen in my lifetime...and it's made one thing abundantly clear: Television is the worst place to keep up with politics. All right, I'll admit that primary night coverage on the cable news networks is good for getting fast numbers and exit poll information, but as a general medium, television has a poor record when it comes to accuracy or completeness.

Reputable blogs have really rocketed past television in recent years as a source for political news and analysis. Sadly, even The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have more complete coverage than your average nightly news program.

For your service, here is a listing of some of the best political sources on the Internet:

• Talking Points Memo
• Daily Kos
• Politico
• Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish (more commentary than news)
• KCRW's Left, Right and Center podcast

Upscaling Wendy's?

My family went to Wendy's the other night (see Melanie's birthday post) and actually ate IN. Eating in at a fast food restaurant is rare enough for us...make that restaurant a Wendy's and we're talking Haley's Comet frequency here.

Sometime between the last time I'd eaten in a Wendy's and Monday night they've upscaled. How do I know? They no longer bother with the lowly peasant question, "Is this for here or to go?". Oh, no...not Wendy's. They have class. If you ask that question you might as well carry a metal lunch pail and wear a sign that says, "Blue collar schmo" on it. Instead, I was asked, "Will you be eating this in our Dining Room?". I added the capital letters, but I feel they were implied. The "Dining Room"? You mean the one cavernous, condiment-splattered, kid cage that most people would refer to as "the restaurant"?

I should said, "No, no, that will never do. I'll dine in my study this evening."

One More Week...

One more week until the new Presidents of the United States of America (PUSA) album is released. Today they released the video for their first single, "Mixed Up Son of a Bitch". It's fun, as usual. Watch for the little Guitar Hero shout-out about halfway in.




This winter I've managed to see both Girlyman and Velvet Revolver in concert, which reduces my "bands to see before I die" list down to just three remaining entries:

1) Ben Folds
2) Stone Temple Pilots (reuniting for a summer tour, I hear)
3) PUSA

I saw today that the Presidents will be in Minneapolis on May 6th...hmm.....

My Baby is Six

Warning: This post is overly sentimental and is full of the kind of overly sincere schmaltz that I would normally skip if I were reading someone else's blog.

Today, my youngest daughter, Melanie, turns six. We played it low-key and went to her restaurant of choice: Wendy's. We got her a bicycle and her sister got her a Barbie (with a dog). She got a couple of other presents, too, but those were her "big ones".

Melanie has had a rough winter. In the past four or five weeks, she's had strep, a stomach bug, and real life, actual influenza. Earlier in the school year, she missed the first "school friend" birthday party that she had ever been invited to, due to illness. This last Friday, she missed her second school friend birthday party, due to illness. Then, to top it off, she had to postpone her own birthday party for a week, yep...due to illness.

Through it all, she's been a trooper. Melanie is one of the least-demanding, lowest maintenance children I've ever known. (Here's where the sappiness starts) Truly, all Melanie ever wants is quality time with those she loves. From the very start, she was a very snuggly, affectionate child. Even as an infant, she was extra affectionate.

She's also easily misunderstood. Whip smart but brutally shy, she tends to overcompensate with outrageous humor. And she is funny. Unfortunately, her comedic self-survival routine has branded her the "silly" one, and already we see her typecast as the comedian. It takes time and patience for outsiders to get to know her well. (I know there's a Jane Goodall joke in here somewhere...)

She is most herself when she's playing with her sister or hanging out with her mom and dad. If it were up to her, those would be her only chores in life. That would be OK with us.

We love you, Mel! Happy birthday.

Pop Culture Tourette's

A few random Pop Culture thoughts...

1) Who remembers that 1980s series, "Amazing Stories"? Man, I loved that show. The entire first season is now available as a "Watch it Now" video on Netflix, and I've been watching as I have time. I'll keep it real. The show doesn't age well, but it's truly enjoyable. I'll never forget the Halloween episode where a headless Christopher Lloyd chased a couple of teenagers around. I've always been a sucker for anthologies. Creepshow, The Twilight Zone...why doesn't this style connect with audiences?

2) Here's a sentence I never thought I'd write: I think that the only person on Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab show that might actually stay clean is Brigitte Nielsen. I'm kind of rooting for Marey Carey and Seth Binzer, but I just don't think they can do it.

3) Spongebob Squarepants has more wit and genuine laugh-out-loud moments than 90% of the sitcoms on today. I'm thrilled that there's a kid's show that actually teaches kids humor. The show is upbeat, good-natured, and just plain hilarious. What I wonder is...will I have the guts to keep watching it once my girls outgrow it?

4) Again, I have another movie to look forward to this summer. The teaser for Iron Man was intriguing...it looked like they got the basic personality of Tony Stark right (Robert Downey, Jr. is great casting) and the actual Iron Man suit looks perfect. Still, I wasn't sold. Now the entire trailer is out and I'm 100% drinking the Kool Aid. That ending shot of Tony Stark in the suit walking away from the exploding tank is an absolute action movie cliche...and I completely ate it up. Awesome.