Where in the World is Matt Sandiego?

Just a quick post to point out that I am, in fact, still drawing breath. I've got a lot going on right now and once I get through this weekend I will resume posting!

-Matt

Subliminal or Obvious?

Funniest story I've seen in a while. The UK Office of Government Commerce needed a new logo. They hired a branding agency, and they got this:



Not bad, right?

Well, then they looked at it, turned on its side:

If it's not funny to you, look at it a bit longer.

According to Comment Central (the blog I saw this story on), they are sticking with the logo. They explained:

We concluded that the effect was generic to the particular combination of the letters 'OGC' - and is not inappropriate to an organisation that's looking to have a firm grip on government spend.

Fantasy to "Reality": Hits and Misses

When one of your favorite fictional characters from childhood makes the move to a live action feature film, it's a bittersweet moment. Of course, it's exciting to get a chance to see one of these characters realized in the flesh. However, it rarely works out. Many of the movie manifestations of these heroes and villains are highly disappointing. Here's a quick run down of some of the hits and misses.

The Hits

Spider Man

Todd McFarlane had an enormously successful run as the artist of Spider Man in the late 1980s and early 1990s. His version of the character was a more lithe and agile Spidey that had a more "spidery" feel. This look was captured perfectly by the three Spider Man films.


Batman ("Batman Begins" version)

Batman is a dark, tragic figure. A "hero" fueled by the untimely loss of his parents and a desire for revenge. Batman has no powers, and part of the rationale of his costume is to strike fear into the hearts of criminals. Successful artists of the Batman comics over the years used plenty of shadow. Despite the fact that the movie version of Batman lost the blue and gray in favor of an all black batsuit, the Batman Begins version of Batman is spot on.


Iron Man

What is there to even say about this one? From what we've seen in the trailers, the new Robert Downy-inhabited Iron Man suit is a dead ringer for the armor that we've seen in the comics for years. I'm really looking forward to this one.

Honorable Mentions: Superman (both Reeves and Routh), Dr. Octopus (Spider Man 2), Venom (Spider Man 3)


The Misses

The Incredible Hulk

The Incredible Hulk is supposed to be an enormous, larger than life, destructive physical manifestation of rage. However, the unconvincing CGI creation for the 2003 film (sarcastically called "Gumby" by irritated fans) looked less rage filled, and more like the Hulk was grappling with a particularly tricky long division problem.

Snake Eyes

I've written about Snake Eyes in an earlier post, but to summarize: he's the ultimate bad ass. A mute ninja AND commando who also has a wolf as a pet. WHAT? I know. Awesome. Unfortunately, in the new photo released from the set of the upcoming GI Joe movie, Snake Eyes appears to be encased in some sort of vinyl fetishist's evening wear.


Wolverine

The Wolverine of the comic world is a hot-tempered, animalistic maniac. He wears a yellow and blue costume and has very odd hair. For the X-Men films, they wisely scrapped the brightly colored costume...but inexplicably kept the ridiculous hair. Visually, it doesn't work.


Dishonorable Mentions: The Punisher, Batman (of the Joel Schumacher variety - the costumes had nipples, people!), Daredevil, The Thing (from the Fantastic Four movie).

Baracky

Making it's way around the internet today. I love it.

10 Terrible Hulk Toys

The web site Topless Robot has just put together a list of the "10 Most Incredibly Lame Hulk Toys". It's really hard to disagree about the "incredibly lame" characterization, but I have to admit, I would've loved ALL of these toys as a child.

Looking through the list, I'm surprised by two things. First, not only did I not own any of these Hulk toys, but I don't even remember a single item on this list. I may have been just slightly too young for many of these. A few of the images indicate that at least some of these toys were produced in 1979, when I was four years old. Secondly, there actually IS one item in that blog post that I owned, but it's not one of the Hulk toys. Rather, it's the Spider Man ski mask that is pictured along side the horrible Hulk mask. Not only did I have it as a kid...but I think I still have it today. I think I have pictures of one of my daughters wearing it.

I highly recommend reading that entry, not only to look at the ridiculous, no-imagination toys that they were peddling to kids 30 years ago, but also because the commentary is hilarious. Consider this statement on the Hulk roller skates:

"To top it off, the extremely questionable Hulk faces on the skates don’t look particularly angry but more as if he farted at a dinner party."

Thanks to Dan for the link.

Tryin' For The Sun

Man, I wish I could do this.

Great Quote

Great quote from one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Sean Altman, about the release of his new CD, which is a comedic look at Jewish culture.

Have you gotten any flack for the CD? I wouldn't say flack. I think when people see the title "Jewmongous," [they know] it's not an Israeli folk troupe.

Misspeaking

We've been hearing a lot of candidates backpedal over their lies and mistakes this time around by claiming to "misspeak". Hendrik Hertzberg, of the New Yorker, just wrote an article on the new prominence of that word, and how it's being used. He said:

Along with its various derivatives, 'misspeak' has become one of the signature verbal workhorses of this interminable political season, right up there with 'narrative,' 'Day One,' and 'hope.' It carries the suggestion that, while the politician's perfectly functioning brain has dispatched the correct signals, the mouth has somehow received and transmitted them in altered form. 'Misspeak' is a powerful word, a magical word. It is a word that is apparently thought capable, in its contemporary political usage, of isolating a palpable, possibly toxic untruth, sealing it up in an airtight bag, and disposing of it harmlessly.

This campaign season (like all campaign seasons) is an interesting study in language, and particularly in the linguistic tricks that politicians and political parties use to frame issues to their own advantage. Typically, whoever wins the language battle wins the war. Just look at the way that parties have used language to define the following:

-Death Tax versus Estate Tax
-Pro Life versus Pro Choice
-Personal Accounts versus Private Accounts

Traditionally, the conservative movement has been more effective at using language to frame their positions on policy. They've effectively smeared the words "liberal," "environmentalist," and "feminist"...all positive words at their core. George Lakoff is an author and a linguistics expert who's written several books on the relationship between politics and language. He's a fascinating guy. In an interview with UC Berkeley News, Lakoff was asked: Why do conservatives like to use the phrase "liberal elite" as an epithet? His response:

Conservatives have branded liberals, and the liberals let them get away with it: the "liberal elite," the "latte liberals," the "limousine liberals." The funny thing is that conservatives are the elite. The whole idea of conservative doctrine is that some people are better than others, that some people deserve more. To conservatives, if you're poor it's because you deserve it, you're not disciplined enough to get ahead. Conservative doctrine requires that there be an elite: the people who thrive in the free market have more money, and they should. Progressives say, "No, that's not fair. Maybe some should have more money, but no one should live in poverty. Everybody who works deserves to have a reasonable standard of living for their work." These are ideas that are progressive or liberal ideas, and progressives aren't getting them out there enough.

What progressives are promoting is not elite at all. Progressives ought to be talking about the conservative elite. They shouldn't be complaining about "tax cuts for the rich," they should be complaining about "tax cuts for the conservative elite," because that's who's getting them.

The Seven Cardinal Sins of CDs

As a child of the 80s, I still think of music as a tangible, physical product. It makes me uneasy to purchase an album from iTunes, which is admittedly ridiculous because the first thing I do when I buy a new CD is dump it into iTunes and then shelve it. Still, there's a sense of calming security I get from knowing that the CD is sitting there on the shelf if I should ever need it. I'm also a sucker for good packaging. These are things you miss out on when you buy digital versions of albums.

I've purchased an unusual number of CDs in the last month or so. My average CD acquisition rate (CDAR, to you) is probably something like 10-12 albums per year. However, due to a rare convergence of releases by some of my favorite artists this spring, I've been on a music buying spree. I've noticed with these purchases that the approaches that these artists and labels take to packaging their CDs vary wildly. Because of this, I've compiled a list of the Seven Cardinal Sins of CD Packaging. These will be listed from the least offensive to the most offensive.

#7: Hidden Tracks That Aren't Separate Tracks
If you're a band and want to get cute by including a hidden track, that's fine. But PLEASE make it a separate track. If you're programming some songs on the CD player or making a compilation CD, that track must be avoided completely, because nobody wants a song to end with a minute and a half of silence before including a random hidden track.

#6: No Artist or CD Title on the Actual CD
When you're carrying your CDs in a giant CD wallet, it's nice to know at a glance what CD it is you're looking for. A surprising number of CDs have only some pseudo-impressive design or photo on them.

#5: No Numbers Next to the Song Titles
Look, I'm perfectly capable of counting to 15, but when I'm standing in front of the stereo programming some tunes, I don't want to have to use my finger to count through a list of tracks because I'm unable to eyeball it. Is that track 9 or 10? Just NUMBER THEM.

#4: No Punctuation, Formatting, or Capitalization in the Lyrics
I appreciate the inclusion of lyrics, and I'm sympathetic to the desire to save space, but lyrics that are dumped out in a shapeless paragraph with no sentences or capitalization are really hard to read. Especially when you're driving. Not that I would do that. Very often.
(lesser but related sin: lyrics that are meant to look "hand written")

#3: CD Jackets That are Folded Rather Than Booklet Style
Thankfully this is a rare occurrence, but I have at least a couple of CDs that have jackets that must be unfolded like a map if you'd like to read the lyrics. This is inconvenient and really conspicuous when driving. Not that I would do that. It's just unsafe.

#2: CD Covers That Don't Have Track Listings
What do these bands have against fans knowing what their songs are called? Wouldn't they want a potential CD buyer in a store to know what's on the album? Fortunately, like sin #3, this is rare. Make no mistake, though, it does happen. Just take a look at the back of your copy of Stone Temple Pilots' "Purple" album.

#1: No Lyrics
After all of the time and effort it takes to write an entire album's lyrics, don't they want us to know what they are? This sin is unforgivable. It's an extra slap in the face when the CD includes a very elaborate full-color jacket, filled with photos and 3 pages of 'thank yous'...and not a single lyric.

There you have it. The definitive list of what not to do when producing a CD. Did I miss any?

Unintentional Hilarity

What follows is an actual quote spoken in a meeting today. The meeting was about application testing, and the logistics of getting test subjects in place.

"Well, the testees need to know they're being observed."

Gunslingin' in 30 Minutes or Less

There's been quite a buzz in Des Moines lately about James Spiers, a local pizza delivery man who was the victim of an attempted robbery a couple of weeks ago while he attempted to deliver a pizza. What makes this story different from your average everyday crime report is that, unbeknownst to the would-be robber holding the gun to the poor pizza man's head, James was packing heat of his own.

He shot the robber, sending him to the hospital with multiple gunshot wounds, and instantly became a local celebrity. The twist? Pizza Hut has a strict policy against its drivers carrying weapons. They are bound by policy to suspend or fire James...but they are stuck in a bit of a PR pickle. Their policy is clear, but the community loves James and his vigilante ways.

This story has provided me with much entertainment for the following reasons:

1. The man's name is basically Jamie Spears. Will someone PLEASE acknowledge this?
   
   
2. Our local paper's web site allows people to comment on stories. I'm sure you've guessed that this encourages thoughtful, well-written prose. Actually, it's exploded into a giant ideological fight about gun rights. Read the comments below the story if you'd like a taste.
   
   
3. A new website has popped up, to show support for James. The site's creator, who is remaining anonymous, starts his explanation regarding why he created the site with some class: "I believe in the right of law-abiding American citizens to bear arms. James was properly licensed to carry a weapon. He was trying to make a living and like anybody else, he has a right to be free from threats." The gravitas quickly drops off, however, as he adds: "Besides, I like pizza and if drivers quit delivering pizza because of armed thugs, we are going to have to go get the stuff and I don't want to do that."

Great Rock Song

I got the new Raconteurs album yesterday, and their opening track, "Consoler of the Lonely" is one of the best new rock songs I've heard in ages. Here's how Rolling Stone described it: "...their styles merge completely on 'Consolers of the Lonely,' which doles out every possible exclamation point: explosive guitars, abrupt tempo changes, a floorboard-rumbling rhythm section and a climax where the whole band starts laughing."

Check it out. (link is good for 1 week)

Hilarity

The New York Post surveyed several comedians and asked them for the best joke they'd written or heard in the last year, then they printed 50 of them.

Some of my favorites (and yes, some are offensive):

Roseanne
A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

Lisa Lampanelli
I was watching Gene Simmons' TV show, "Family Jewels." Or as it's known in the business, " 'The Osbournes' Without the Talented Father."

Louis C.K.
On his daughter's diaper: There was so much poop. It didn't look like a baby's poop. It looked like a 55-year-old alcoholic took a dump.

Jim Florentine
I'm sick of Heather Mills. Now that she's divorced, let her go marry the drummer from Def Leppard. They can rub their stumps together.

Josh Comers
I had a bully as a kid. He was dyslexic, so he used to stick "Me Kick" signs on my back. Then everyone thought I was the bully - with bad grammar and the courtesy to give a heads up.

Good Lyrics

Good lyrics I heard this morning:

"Maybe ethanol is methadone for oil addiction"
To Build a Mountain by The Matches

"You never got poked in the eye with a spork, you never got sick from all that leftover pork."
More Bad Times by The Presidents of the United States of America

Master of All He Surveys

Thousands of words could be written on urinal etiquette, but I think I've just seen a first in my over 30 years of public bathroom use. You see (for the female readers), there are varying urinal stances that men take. Eyes are front or down (there's some aiming, after all), for example. Generally, conversation is forbidden or at least limited. But today I saw a man standing at the urinal with his arms crossed. Not only were his arms crossed, but his posture was tall and straight and sort of...dare I say...proud? His eyes were looking straight forward. Only chumps need their sense of sight when peeing, apparently. He reminded of me some ancient warlord standing on a high cliff, looking over some freshly conquered land, perhaps considering which of the dozens of local maidens to deflower.

Hands free! What confidence! What control! I would've expressed my amazement, but again, there's no talking at the urinal.

Choice Fatigue

There's a concept that comes up once in a while in my work called "choice fatigue". I'm not exactly sure where it originated, but I think it's widely used in marketing. Essentially, it's the idea that humans enjoy choice and variety up to a point. Once you hit a certain number of choices, however, people are overwhelmed. They stop thinking clearly and are confused by so many options. This is what I have been experiencing for the past few days.

This last Christmas, I convinced my wife and my parents to go together and get me one of those mega 160 gig iPod Classics. It's awesome. I carry it with me pretty much wherever I go. Anyway, I finally have an iPod big enough to easily hold every track from every CD that I own, plus digital songs that I've purchased, plus audio and video podcasts, plus any movies or TV shows that I've transferred to it from my DVDs....and I still can't even fill half of it.

I listen to music quite a bit while I work. For the past several years, I've listened to perhaps 20 or 25 albums that I've got on my computer. Once in a while I'd buy a new CD and I'd add it to the collection, but I'd also frequently remove songs that I was no longer in the mood for. That was quite a bit of choice to manage, but it seemed to suit me fine. This week, however, I've started listening to my iPod while I work. I don't yet have every CD transferred to the iPod, but I already have 6470 songs at my fingertips. That is simply too many songs to handle. The idea of having my entire music collection at my fingertips is wonderful in theory, but in practice it makes me nervous and schizophrenic. I really enjoy listening to entire albums from top to bottom, but I find when I have literally HUNDREDS of other albums available, I get antsy and impatient. I spend the day skittering from album to album. A little Cake...then maybe one or two tracks from The Black Crowes. It's requiring more mental energy than I would've expected.

My brain, which enjoys order and routine, keeps trying to find some sort of systematic way to process this tangled mass of possibilities. I find myself thinking things like, "Maybe I should try to get through my entire CD collection...one album each day" or "just restrict yourself to one letter of the alphabet today". It must be some form of latent OCD trying desperately to push to the surface.

Great Quote

From Dilbert creator Scott Adams, on things to watch out for when joining a cult:

The big problem with picking a doomsday date is that it so obvious when you are wrong. For most other decisions, you can generally make a case for why your wrongness was really right. For example, you still hear people say Saddam had WMD but he did a good job of hiding them...But when the world doesn’t explode on Tuesday, it’s hard to make a case that it did. You have to go with something like “The comet was heading this way, but we prayed it off course. You’re welcome. Give me back my stuff.

Good News/Bad News

It's official. Scott Weiland is out of Velvet Revolver. I was lucky enough to catch VR back in January, but it's still disappointing that Velvet Revolver is now Scott-less. Yes, the band's name was cheesy, and it's true that the whole "supergroup" concept is a little tired, but I thought that they were providing a service that no other rock band is providing right now. Namely, some old fashioned, riff-driven nasty rock...but rock that still had some melody and groove (which are two things missing from most new rock bands, in my opinion).

What's the upside? Next week, Scott will be reuniting with Stone Temple Pilots and announcing a 50 date tour. STP was (is?) one of my favorite bands, and I thought my chance to see them live had passed. Obviously, Des Moines is not a hot spot for this kind of thing, so I may have to catch them in Kansas City or Minneapolis...but a date in Des Moines at the Val Air Ballroom would be amazing. Here's hoping.

A less exciting reunion happening now? New Kids on the Block.