Friday, April 4, 2008

Master of All He Surveys

Thousands of words could be written on urinal etiquette, but I think I've just seen a first in my over 30 years of public bathroom use. You see (for the female readers), there are varying urinal stances that men take. Eyes are front or down (there's some aiming, after all), for example. Generally, conversation is forbidden or at least limited. But today I saw a man standing at the urinal with his arms crossed. Not only were his arms crossed, but his posture was tall and straight and sort of...dare I say...proud? His eyes were looking straight forward. Only chumps need their sense of sight when peeing, apparently. He reminded of me some ancient warlord standing on a high cliff, looking over some freshly conquered land, perhaps considering which of the dozens of local maidens to deflower.

Hands free! What confidence! What control! I would've expressed my amazement, but again, there's no talking at the urinal.

4 comments:

K Bell said...

for real, today? i swear i've heard this one before. then again, i have had more conversations about men's bathrooms than i care to count.

Matt said...

Yes, I just saw this gem right before lunch. You may be thinking of a story I used to tell about one of my high school teachers who would stand at the urinal while leaning into the wall with one arm, as though the wall was caving in and he just needed to hold it up long enough to pee.

DarinH said...

Until I see a guy peeing like this, I won't be truly impressed. ;-)

Impressive

Anonymous said...

It's called the superman stance. Usually performed by old men with weak streams (otherwise it'd end up all over their pants) like my old gym coach. Gross.