Peepers

I went to the eye doctor last week for perhaps only the 3rd or 4th time in my life. I've had a couple of odd things going on with my eyeballs lately and thought it was time to have them checked out. Because I've had my eyes examined so rarely, the entire process is something I'm completely uncomfortable with.

After last week's examination, I've concluded that a trip to the eye doctor is a 30 minute willful suppression of every eye-protecting instinct that we've got. Think about it...our eyes are extremely important and delicate organs. Over millions of years, we've evolved some pretty powerful instincts to protect them. Heck, even a loud noise causes an involuntary blink. But not on eye doctor day! That's the day that our minds have to overpower our reflexes.

Here, stare at this device while I shoot a blast of air into your eyes!

Look straight at the ceiling with your eyes wide open while I drop a chemical into them, please. Will it sting? Oh, hell yes. What does it do, you ask? Oh, it overrides your eye's ability to protect itself from bright lights and forces your pupils wide open for about six hours so that I can do a 3 minute examination. Are they wide open yet? Good! Now place your head into this brace so that I can shine incredibly powerful lights into them while they are at their most vulnerable state.