Weiner Poopie

This is the best clip I've seen in a long time.


It reminds me of the Minnesota lady that Mo Collins used to play on Mad TV.

What's Your Game, Mellow Man?

I distrust Jack Johnson. I know it's irrational, but I do. Who is that mellow? I kind of want to flick him in the head to see what would happen.

Fear Versus Opportunity

I have been asked to fill the role of MC at an upcoming Maynard Ferguson Tribute concert in May. I've been asked to do this not because of any skill I may have at being an MC (I have very little), but because of my more than ten years of being associated with Maynard Ferguson. In January of 1997, I started a fan site for Maynard that eventually lead to that site receiving "official site" status and then (later still) was moved onto the MF-owned MaynardFerguson.com domain.

My initial reaction to the invitation was one of fear. I describe myself as a site-specific extrovert (a term I heard Mike Myers use once), someone who enjoys the spotlight on a small and well-controlled scale. I do not enjoy public speaking, and I imagined the intense case of nerves I would be dealing with for several days leading up to the event. I pictured myself on that stage, looking out over the 1,625 seats, and almost broke out in flop sweat at the mere suggestion.


However, I believe that pangs of regret are always more painful than twinges of nervousness, so I said yes. Please wish me luck and hope for an understanding audience on May 4th, which would've been Maynard's 80th birthday.

Cleavage

Is it just me, or is the entire concept of cleavage a little odd when you really think about it? How has it become socially acceptable for women to display just a little bit of body parts that are so sought after that men will actually pay money to see them?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining...I'm just saying that the entire concept is a little shocking when analyzed. A couple of nights ago, my wife was concerned that a shirt she was wearing was showing too much cleavage (it wasn't). I imagined how horrifying that conversation would've been if the genders had been reversed:

Me: Do these shorts show too much penis?
Anne: No, there's only like a quarter inch showing.
Me: Yeah, but I feel like it's completely hanging out.
Anne: No, it's a totally tasteful amount of penis showing.

A Rare Parental Reward

Despite what sitcoms such as Full House might indicate, parenting is exhausting and relentless. If you're a self-centered crab like me, it's easy to miss the rewarding moments in the day-to-day chaos. However, this weekend managed to provide one sweet moment.

Anne was shopping and I was running on the treadmill, an activity that I try to do at least quarterly. During my run, the girls were playing in their normal fashion, which (as far as I can tell) consists of shouting at the top of their lungs and running in circles. Afterwards, I needed to take a shower and I could see that the girls were starting to settle a bit. I turned on Spongebob in our bedroom so that the girls could lay on the bed and watch while I took a shower. When I came out, they were laying together, like this:


I'm not normally sentimental, but the sweetness of the moment did get to me. They are in first grade and kindergarten, and they have to deal with the "every man for himself" nature of elementary school. It's nice to know that they have each other, and that home will always be a safe place for them.

Smegma U

I know it can be juvenile, I know it can be offensive, I know it can be shocking...but Loveline was the funniest radio show in the history of radio shows. Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla were the perfect comedic duo. The combination of Drew's unwavering sincerity and Adam's sarcasm and instant wit have never been matched*. Sadly, Adam Carolla is no longer on the show, and it's no longer funny. However, the Loveline Archive has hundreds of classic Drew and Adam episodes available for download.

The biggest payoffs came when Adam and Drew were dealing with callers that weren't necessarily at the top of their mental game. Which brings me to my all-time favorite Loveline call. The call is a four minute masterpiece of comedy that builds to a natural peak about 3 minutes into the conversation. This is when Adam finally has enough, puts the caller on hold, and rants about her. At this point, I have tears of joy. After this rant at the 3 minute mark, it reverts to a normal call and the hilarity dissipates.

Please, PLEASE listen to this call.

If you don't find this funny, you and I have nothing in common.

Warning: This call contains some adult subject matter.

*Why yes, I AM prone to hyperbole. Thanks for asking.

Romney as Burns?

I'm a political junkie, and my favorite political blog is Talking Points Memo. It was created by Josh Marshall (seen in the video below). He and his team of reporters really crank out some excellent coverage of the campaigns and at the same time manage to inject a little humor into their dispatches. Every Friday, Josh puts together a brief highlight reel of video clips from the previous week of political happenings. This week's video was particularly enjoyable, with a great (and surprisingly accurate) comparison of Mitt Romney to Mr. Burns.