When Logic Defeats Humor

I have a logical personality. Some people that know me well would suggest that I'm too logical. I also love humor, and I will watch a very good stand-up comedy routine over and over again. Normally, my logical side and my humorous side live in perfect harmony. After all, humor requires a certain amount of logic. However, there are times where my logical side rears up and beats the hell out of my humorous side.

Today is a good example of that phenomenon.

One of my irrational pet peeves are those lists that frequently pop up in chain emails and message board that are meant to showcase the "wackiness" of the world we live in. Today I saw one such list and I realized that I can no longer enjoy them, because I expend too much mental energy answering the questions. Not only do I spend time answering them, but my responses grow increasingly impatient and angry.

Examples from the list I saw today:

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Matt: Because "4 billion stars" is completely abstract and unverifiable to most people, while wet paint can be checked with the touch of a finger.


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Matt: Because a head wound could cause the pilot to crash into the sea or ground instead of his target.


Why do drive-up ATMs have braille?

Matt: Because they are all manufactured the same way. The ATM manufacturer does not know if the ATM will be used in a drive-through or a lobby.


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Matt: Um, through very small holes and gaps? Is this really stumping people?


If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Matt: This question is evidence of a fundamental misunderstanding of evolution. A 6th grade biology student would have too much education to find this question puzzling.

What worries me is that I appear to be growing increasingly crotchety and impatient as I get older. I fear that I will ultimately end up a humorless old bastard, randomly shouting at kids to stay off of the lawn.

Am I the only one that hates these ridiculous attempts at "observational" humor?