The Bumbler

I've noticed a common thread that has woven its way through film and television over the past 40 years. I will call it "The Bumbler". For reasons I can't explain, characters continue to pop up that have all of the makings of a great spy or superhero or boss or whatever...but instead they are incessant bumblers.

This has been on my mind lately because of the recent Get Smart movie. The original Get Smart television series is a classic example of the bumbler phenomenon in television. The idea, I assume, is that people will delight at the madcap parody of a James Bond-style secret agent. The seemingly suave spy with the great suit and high-tech gadgets, tripping over his own feet and basically acting ridiculous. You know what I'd rather see? An actual suave spy with the great suit and high-tech gadgets!

I had forgotten about the pervasiveness of the bumbler in children's television until my kids checked out an "Inspector Gadget" tape from the library (itself a spoof or extension of Get Smart). This show brought me endless frustration as a kid. What's the point of spending millions of dollars creating a robotic (half robotic? I can't remember) super agent if he can't use even the most basic of his gadgets? I wanted to see a show about a robotic secret agent that kicked ass, not one that got tangled up in his own go-go gadget legs.

The bumbler crept into every show that had potential to be cool. Apparently some television executive thought that every awesome show for 10 year-olds needed something that the viewer's 3 year old sister could giggle at. Godzilla was the greatest cartoon of all time until "Godzooky" came onto the scene. The Superfriends could survive the addition of the worthless Wonder Twins, but not Gleek.

Don't even get me started on the Greatest American Hero. Oh, please, where do I sign up to watch some curly-haired doofus fly into a billboard once a week? My only solace in this whole mess is that the bumbler never made it into my precious Incredible Hulk television series. I'll bet it wasn't easy. I'm sure there's a script somewhere with a post-it from the top brass that reads, "The scene where the Hulk picks up the car...couldn't he drop it on his toe?"

Pet Peeve #163

I hate when people emphatically exclaim, "Don't even joke!".

Example:

"I wonder what ever became of Joe and Sue?"
"Joe's probably shacked up with some hooker."
"Don't even joke!"

When Logic Defeats Humor

I have a logical personality. Some people that know me well would suggest that I'm too logical. I also love humor, and I will watch a very good stand-up comedy routine over and over again. Normally, my logical side and my humorous side live in perfect harmony. After all, humor requires a certain amount of logic. However, there are times where my logical side rears up and beats the hell out of my humorous side.

Today is a good example of that phenomenon.

One of my irrational pet peeves are those lists that frequently pop up in chain emails and message board that are meant to showcase the "wackiness" of the world we live in. Today I saw one such list and I realized that I can no longer enjoy them, because I expend too much mental energy answering the questions. Not only do I spend time answering them, but my responses grow increasingly impatient and angry.

Examples from the list I saw today:

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Matt: Because "4 billion stars" is completely abstract and unverifiable to most people, while wet paint can be checked with the touch of a finger.


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Matt: Because a head wound could cause the pilot to crash into the sea or ground instead of his target.


Why do drive-up ATMs have braille?

Matt: Because they are all manufactured the same way. The ATM manufacturer does not know if the ATM will be used in a drive-through or a lobby.


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Matt: Um, through very small holes and gaps? Is this really stumping people?


If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Matt: This question is evidence of a fundamental misunderstanding of evolution. A 6th grade biology student would have too much education to find this question puzzling.

What worries me is that I appear to be growing increasingly crotchety and impatient as I get older. I fear that I will ultimately end up a humorless old bastard, randomly shouting at kids to stay off of the lawn.

Am I the only one that hates these ridiculous attempts at "observational" humor?

My Next 10 Tunes

Inspired by this blog post, Dan, Bess, and I have decided to try the "Next 10 Tunes" thing ourselves. Basically, this means that you put your iPod on shuffle, and list out the first 10 tunes you see, with commentary.

While stepping through my songs, I made a vow that I would not skip any song for reason of embarrassment. However, I have about 6500 songs on my iPod, so I did skip a few songs that I didn't know or barely knew. I was surprised when looking at the list that it was so rock-heavy. I wouldn't think of my CD collection as a hard rock collection...but most of these would fall into that category. Here they are:

Ozone Mama - Black Crowes
First up is "Ozone Mama," from the Crowes' Lions album. I have this theory that certain bands are made better by excessive drug use...but it will eventually catch up with them. This album is where it started to catch up to Chris Robinson and crew. The songs are mostly still strong...but they started to lose their melodic uniqueness and become more loose and jam-band oriented. That said, Ozone Mama is a really cool, laid back southern groove. Extra points for harmonica.

Benton Harbor Blues - The Fiery Furnaces
The Fiery Furnaces are weird. I mean, really weird. They (a brother a sister duo, I think) make some of the least mainstream and least accessible music that I've ever heard. However, Benton Harbor Blues is really a very catchy and nice song. I have two of their albums, and this is the only song I could imagine from either album ever making its way onto a radio station. I have only one hangup with the song: The rhythmic keyboard bed of the song sounds just like the little Casio part in the Jimmy Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Tracy Morgan and Chris Kattan Christmas song they used to perform on SNL.

Gel - Collective Soul
Collective Soul is like the Titanic movie. Everyone loved it at the time, but now they pretend they didn't. I'm a bit of a loyalist, though, and I can remember how great this single was. I was in college in Cedar Falls, Iowa, and was struggling to get into the grunge music that was so ubiquitous at the time. Collective Soul was the answer for me, because they were able to combine the fuzzy, crunchy guitar sound of grunge music with hooks and actual melodies.

Waste - Smash Mouth
Before they became "the band with that song from Shrek" and their lead singer took a turn on The Surreal Life, Smash Mouth could really write a song. They carved out this odd retro 60s pop niche for themselves...but then never left it. This is one of the best albums that I never listen to.

Flaming Heart - The Meat Puppets
I can't remember what possessed me to buy a Meat Puppets album in the mid 90s, but I loved this one. What a great mix of hooks and straight-forward pop-rock. However, I've never heard another Meat Puppets record that wasn't full of melody-free songs and out of tune vocals... So was this album a fluke? A product of technology? Maybe some Meat Puppets fan can educate me...

Train Kept a Rollin (unplugged) - Aerosmith
Little known fact: Aerosmith was the first band to appear on MTV Unplugged. They played almost no hits...it was a fan's dream. I have this on a CD bootleg where the artist is declared to be "Aero S. Mith". This old Yardbirds song was a staple of Aerosmith shows in the 70s.

Carbon Monoxide - Cake
Cake gets environmental! I love Cake. I saw them at the Val Air Ballroom in Des Moines a few years ago and it was one of the 3 or 4 best concerts I've ever seen. This catchy little ditty is a rant against carbon monoxide. Best line: "Car after bus after car after truck after this my lungs will be so f***ed up!"

Wiggle Stick - Reverend Horton Heat
My friend John is a huge Rev fan, and I absorbed some of it through osmosis. If you've never heard the Rev, his music is a mixture of rockabilly and punk with a lot of virtuoso guitar thrown in. John and I once went to see the Rev play in Omaha. We hung out by the bus after the show and got to meet him. Quick side story: The Melvins were opening and the crowd was not enthusiastic. Eventually, the crowd started booing and yelling. They finished their set, and the lead singer of the Melvins said to the crowd in a voice dripping with sarcasm, "Have a nice life...in Omaha." and then starts laughing. Great burn.

Fired - Ben Folds
One of the 10 best albums I own. Ranks among the best of Elton John and Billy Joel for piano pop. This song always reminded me of the Alan Parsons project.

Vigilante Man - Joe Perry
A Woody Guthrie remake recorded by Perry on his 2005 solo album. Lots of classic Joe Perry slide guitar. No frills, simple production. Great song.

Maiden Voyage

My friend Bess has just launched her very own blog. Her first post includes tales of a road trip that subconsciously stir up Thelma and Louise memories...for some reason.

Take a visit to Besside Myself.

Trumpet Nerds Unite!

Because he fronted the Tonight Show band for so many years, Doc Severinsen is frequently overlooked when people think about trumpet masters. In his prime, Doc was one of the best trumpet players in the world.

I've just today seen this clip for the first time, and to a trumpet nerd like me, it is jaw-dropping. Never mind the cheesy arrangement and clothing...this is world class trumpet playing.

Campaign '08 in 8

Check out this really impressive video from Slate that condenses the entire Democratic 2008 campaign into 8 minutes. Great editing.

Well, I Saw It

Well, I finally saw it. Indiana Jones is back after twenty years. Overall, I'd give it maybe 3.5 stars out of 5. My lowered expectations were really crucial...it in no way would've lived up to my hopes if I had gone in cold.

Some more specific thoughts...and these will be packed with spoilers, so consider yourself warned.

What didn't work:

• Indiana Jones movies have always required some serious suspension of disbelief...but there were a couple of moments in this film that went too far. Mutt and the monkeys? Ugh.
  
• No human being could survive a being hurled hundreds of yards in a refrigerator. This is one thing that bugged me about Iron Man, too. Just because someone is inside of something strong (like a fridge or a suit of armor) does not mean that they can survive an impact with the ground at over 100 miles an hour.
  
• I really do miss the days before CGI. When movies required the building of sets, things looked real (Jabba the Hutt looked REAL, dammit). The effects were incredible...but the entire movie had a sort of washed out, pristine look that didn't fit with Indiana.
• I'm no fan of Indiana Jones in the 1950s. They really had no choice but to set it in the '50s, unless they pretended that Harrison didn't age, but it didn't feel right to put Indiana Jones in the world of sock hops.
• The first 20 minutes. For the entire opening 20 minutes, it felt like I was watching Harrison Ford pretend to be Indiana Jones.
• Not enough whipping!
• The dialogue. In spots, the script worked well...but it sometimes felt forced...particularly when trying to cram in 50s slang like "daddy-o". One friend told me that the dialogue made him feel "stabby".
  

What worked:

• Shia LaBeouf. He was surprisingly good and had some real chemistry with Harrison.
• The action. The chase sequences really did feel like old Indiana Jones again. The chase by the Russians through the university campus and the jungle chase were really, really good. Great stunt work.
• The cinematography. I had read that Spielberg wanted long shots, rather than the rapid-edit shaky cam style that's been popularized by the Bourne trilogy. There were several really impressive shots during the chase sequences that were long, unbroken shots.
• Harrison. After the movie got going, Harrison finally did seem to inhabit the character again. He's really at his best when crawling through a cave or involved in a sort of chase.
  
• The humor. The amount of silliness was basically just right. I found myself laughing several times (when the chase goes into the library; when Indy is caught in the dry sandpit).
• The references to previous films. The nods to the other 3 Indy movies were mostly subtle and clever.

This is one of those movies that I enjoyed, but didn't LOVE. I expect that I will buy it on DVD, watch it again, and like it more the second time.

Tonight is the Night.

Tonight I will finally see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. On one hand, I'm expecting to like it. On the other hand, I've had a few friends who have seen it warn me to lower my expectations a bit. I think they have been sufficiently lowered, but trying to lower my expectations on something I've waited 20 years for is not easy. Indiana Jones was the absolute ultimate idol of my childhood. Hearing these harsh words about the movie is rough. It's as though I'm finally going to meet Santa Claus now that I'm an adult and someone telling me, "Yeah...he's neat and all...but you should know...he swears a lot and smells like beef stew."

Maizy's First Hair Cut

This is going to be a departure from the normal tough and cool subjects I typically cover in this blog. Our dog just got her first real hair cut.

She is about 5 months old, and had grown into a bit of a furball. Here she is, pre-hair cut, with Casey.

After her hair cut, she's a lean, mean, fighting machine:

She looks like half the dog she was before. I now call her "The Weasel".

Could Coldplay Be...Good?

On Friday, I bought a ticket to "Lazerfest 2" which will allow me to cross Stone Temple Pilots off of my "bands to see before I die" list. The bad news? My $35 ticket cost me over $45 after Ticketmaster tacked on their ridiculous fees. The good news? I got a free iTunes download.

It just so happens that when I received my free iTunes download I was approaching hour 73 of the hijacking of my brain by Coldplay's new "Viva La Vida" single. I must be squarely in the center of Apple's target demographic, because the iTunes commercial that features Coldplay is on every show I've watched for the past two weeks. So I gave in, cashed in my free download, and acquired "Viva La Vida".

It's such a great single that I have been forced to re-examine my completely uninformed judgment of Coldplay. I don't think I've heard 10 seconds of Coldplay before this new song, but I had this surprisingly fleshed-out preconceived notion of them as a sort of whiny, moody, wimpy Euro-pop band. You know...the kind of band whose music evokes a "mood" but has no discernible melody and has no point other than to sound brooding and sophisticated. This song has forced me to realize that I may have come to some rash conclusion about Coldplay without a shred of evidence.

Could Coldplay be...good?

Anyone out there actually have an informed opinion about Coldplay?